Act a Fool and Hope for the Best: A Thank You Letter

Summer is gone, and about this time, I feel the “new year” more than I feel it come January 1st in the middle of hell freezing over… I have been thinking a lot about the people and places that have affected me so massively in the last year and I keep jumping back further realizing I cant truthfully acknowledge the importance of last year without acknowledging the year before that and the year before that etc…

For a cornucopia of reasons, this has easily been the most emotionally twisted, and heavy year of my life thus far. Saying “I’ve learned so much” seems an almost naive and vastly inadequate justification. Of course I’ve learned so much…but beyond that I’ve almost felt like a teenager again, confused and excited by things I should very well be familiar with by now, but apparently have no solid understanding of. We can spend an entire lifetime trying to figure out how to love someone to the best of our ability or be as productive and diligent as humanly possible, but in the moment, we are infinitely capable of acting like complete fools. The key seems to be finding that rare group of people, or one, that appreciates and understands your foolishness and not only embraces it, but helps transmute it into some twisted kind of inspiration. The point is, I feel like I have been largely ungrateful to those I am close to, that have helped me along in this delusional and undoubtedly enlightening jaunt through life; those who may or may not embrace my foolishness.

I’ve spent the last 7 years writing music, touring, playing gigs all over chicago with my favorite people, building studios, learning trades, smashing walls, building new walls, driving through deserts, sitting on beaches, smoking cigarettes on balconies, throwing champagne bottles off of rooftops, falling in love, blowing up speakers, buying gear, selling gear, cooking food, eating food, taking drugs, sleeping, not sleeping, so on and so forth…all enabled by those that embrace the inherently foolish and experimental nature of humanity. Sometimes we try things not because it’s the best idea in the world, but because it’s fucking fun….. Or it will look good on camera, or make a ridiculous story later. Sometimes you walk away with a bunch of severed nerves and your knee is gushing blood and you can’t walk straight for 3 months, but somehow it was worth it and somehow I still feel compelled to say “Thank you.”

This isn’t to say we are always fools. Sometimes we get it right. We know when we get it right, because suddenly things just start working… It’s during these moments when I feel the most vulnerable and I end up forgetting that I can still be a fool, and it will still be ok. I might catch myself thinking, “I figured it out and I’m going to win this shit…” and suddenly I’m a fool again. It’s a delicate balance and as much as I would love to conquer any number of things by myself, as to satisfy that primal survivalist urge to stay on top, I can’t stress how wonderful it’s been to be surrounded by a vast support network that simply delivers because that’s what they do. My only worry is feeling like I don’t deserve it for whatever reason, and that I may not have something of equal value to return…maybe that’s bullshit, but isn’t that the fundamental struggle here?

It seems a horribly shit cop-out thing to say “Some day…I’ll get you…” but maybe that’s what I have to say, and if it’s true and if I really really mean it, then HELL YEAH some day…

So THANK YOU. For everything and then some…

max g

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